No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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