First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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