Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
