You can't special order awesome
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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