he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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