i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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