he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
