escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
