I'd wear matching sweaters with you
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
now i know why i became what i already was.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
