that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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