holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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