Porn is love you can see.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
