Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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