My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
