i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
