Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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