I am puke
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
