Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
