I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
