You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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