Already got asked if we're dating
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
