I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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