so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
