i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
