Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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