My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
