You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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