we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
