It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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