Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
