HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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