My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
