he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
