I could make wine with my vomit
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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