I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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