That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
