He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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