They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
cat food counts as protein by the way
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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