Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You are a genius and a whore.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
