3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
