You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
