what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
porn star boner night. come get it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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