Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
