Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
