your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
