I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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