She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
