so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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