I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
