Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
