Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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