just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
