Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
