And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
