Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
