I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
