What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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